Toddlers are on an emotional see-saw - quick to laugh and snuggle up to you one minute, yet just as likely to get easily upset and angry the next. They've not yet had time to get used to how they're feeling or to cope with different emotions, let alone control themselves. Tantrums usually arise when they're feeling frustrated - they either want to do something which you can't let them do because it's dangerous or unacceptable, or they're too small and physically incompetent and so can't manage something on their own. As well as being tiring and emotionally draining for you, tantrums can damage a child's self esteem and waste time and energy. So what are they and how can you avoid them?

Fight Club
Toddlers are most notorious for their tantrums - they're not called the terrible twos for nothing! But it's not just toddlers that can have them - some nine-month old babies and a lot of four-year olds have full-blown tantrums. When your child is having one, it's like someone has pulled a switch and their fuse has blown - they're overcome by a terrific rage and act as if they're fighting with demons (writhing, kicking, screaming, shouting, running around wildly, even sometimes throwing up or holding their breath until they pass out).

Take Aim
Your child will probably start practising having tantrums long before its second birthday. Although these early efforts are usually very funny, try not to laugh - this will encourage them to have another go as they'll love the attention. If you ignore them, they'll usually give up and sheepishly carry on as before.

Don't Pull the Trigger
You'll probably find that if your toddler has started to have tantrums more often, they'll follow a pattern. Here are a few common triggers, plus some tips to help you cut down the number of tantrums your toddler has.

-Toddlers are much more likely to get frustrated when they're hungry or tired - try to stick to a routine for meals and naps, plus take plenty of healthy snacks with you when you're out.

-A well-balanced diet is important and try and make sure they're not eating too much sugar or too many additives. The evidence isn't conclusive, but some parents find that their children calm down if they cut down the amount of sugar, food dyes and additives in their diet.

-Try and set a good example with your behaviour - if they see you shouting a lot or flying into a rage at the drop of a hat they're more likely to mimic you.

-Give plenty of praise (and attention) when they're behaving well - if the only time you react is when they whinge or act up, they'll do it more.

-Avoid confrontation as you much as you can. Toddlers hate being rushed or told what to do all the time. This means you'll have to be smart - if you know they'll want to go on the swings when you walk to the shops but you're in a rush, try pretending they're in a space rocket in their buggy and zoom along an alternative route!

-If you know there are situations that always seem to trigger a tantrum then avoid them as much as you can. If supermarket trips are a nightmare, keep them short, encourage your child to help you shop by choosing items and loading up the trolley and distract them with small toys, magazines and healthy snacks. Plus don't forget online shopping is a wonderful thing!

Don’t Jump the Gun
When faced with too much choice, most toddlers panic – they’re too young to work out the potential outcomes of every option and don’t know what to do. This frustration can often lead to tantrums. You can help them out here by giving them only ‘no risk’ choices – putting two toys on the table and asking them which one they’d like to play with first, offering a red t-shirt or a blue t-shirt to wear. Try and avoid open-ended questions, like ‘what would you like to do today?’ – if they then say they want to see Grandma and she’s away on holiday, you’ve got to overrule their decision, thus undermining their right to choose. Don’t forget to praise them when they’ve made a decision – it’s a great skill to be encouraging for the future.

Bite the Bullet
Some days it will feel as if your child is heading for a tantrum, no matter what you do. Whenever you feel them getting cross or frustrated, try and distract them (even if it means suggesting a monkey’s flying past the window or a tractor is coming!). Keep them busy, get out and about and try and stay calm and patient. If they do blow, there are several tactics for minimising the extent of a tantrum:

-Ignore their negative behaviour as much as you can. Walk away, pretend you’re doing something else and avoid eye contact. Don’t try and argue with them or tell them off.

-Ensure they don’t get hurt. When they’re out of control, everything in their path will be knocked flying. If, when they’ve come out of the tantrum, they find they’ve hurt themselves, someone else or broken something, this will scare them even more – it will prove to them that you can’t control her or keep her safe.

-Some children respond to being held close – talking quietly and calmly as you wait for them to relax. Some however hate this – if this is the case with your child then don’t try to hold them, this will annoy them further.

-If you think you’re about to lose your temper, then try ‘time out’. This is when you move your child to somewhere safe where you can leave them. This shouldn’t be any more than for a couple of minutes – some experts suggest a minute for every year of their life. This gives them the chance to calm down alone so that they can come back and start again with the slate wiped clean.

Stick to your Guns
Don’t let your child feel rewarded or punished for a tantrum. They shouldn’t change anything between you. If it happened because they wanted an ice-cream, don’t give them one to cheer them up in the afterthroes of a tantrum. It’s important that they realise that tantrums won’t get them anywhere. In fact, if you’re inconsistent, the world will feel even more complicated to them and it will take them longer to cope with and control the emotions they’re feeling. And don’t let tantrums scare you into spoiling them – assume they’re not going to have one and treat them, if they do kick off, as an unpleasant and completely irrelevant hiccup to your day.